Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bible! by Jonathan Goldstein

Author:Jonathan Goldstein
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9780143056546
Publisher: PENGUIN GROUP (CANADA)
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Ian watched the calves melt, their little calf faces poking out of the pots, looking at him. They made him feel almost as guilty as the sight of his father’s face, which was wet and glowing in the heat of the showroom.

When he was a child, Ian could pray so hard. Harder than anyone he knew. It was his thing. He’d squint his eyes, and he’d scrunch up his face. He’d look like he was going to burst a blood vessel, his hands in fists, hoping—willing the world to be a certain way. For the house to quiet down. For good things to happen. For Gomer to notice what a good prayer he was.

When he would finish praying and he’d look around and the world was pretty much the way it had always been, the one thing he felt he could rely on was that the Calf was keeping count, giving out points for effort. At least the Calf knew how hard he was trying.

New God made sense to him, but the Calf made sense to his heart. It was such a part of his childhood— like the smell of certain foods or the tunes his father whistled when they took walks together.

As the years wore on, Ian would often invite Gomer to come and pray with him to New God, and Gomer would tag along and pray—but Ian could always tell his father was just doing it to make him happy.

When Gomer finally died it was at a ripe old age and when Ian prayed for him, prayed for his safe voyage in the hereafter, inevitably, it was often the Calf that he saw.

“Don’t think of the Calf,” he would say to himself, but the harder he prayed and thought about trying not to think about the Calf, the more the Calf would enter his thoughts and prayers. After some years had passed, Ian eventually got used to the intrusions and stopped trying to fight them. In his mind, he looked upon the golden man-headed cow, or the cow-headed man, and he just prayed the best he could.

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